With my return to work date looming, one of the things I have to do is start weaning Savanna.  Ever since she quit drinking from the bottle at 3 months of age, she has been exclusively breastfed.  For the past 6 months, we’ve been in a very comfortable routine of nursing 4 times a day, while I take the maximum dosage of domperidone.

This week, I stopped taking domperidone, and reduced the feeding to 3 times a day. Later this week will be 2 times a day, then next week onward just keeping one feed a day. Savanna is a pretty good eater, so I’m not worried about her missing vital nutrients.  I can tell right away that my milk production has reduced greatly once I stopped the medication.  Thank goodness for the meds, or I would never be able to breastfeed exclusively!

This afternoon while I was nursing her, I had her cradled in my arm, with a warm fuzzy blanket covering both of us.  The afternoon sunlight was streaming in from our window, shining beautifully projected streaks on Savanna’s face.  She looked up at me with her bright eyes, while scratching my neck with one hand.  It made me a little sad to think that 10 days from now I’ll be sitting in my office, churning out tax work, rather than being with my baby.  I’ve had a much better experience with breastfeeding this time around, and I am really going to miss all this bonding time I’ve had with her.

A year is a long time, and a short time.  It’s long because you sleep little, you’re chasing after a toddler while trying to care for a baby, and you’re cranky because your toddler is growing a personality.  A year is short because your baby is still just a baby, barely taking a few steps, and barely saying a few words.

Weaning Savanna is harder for me than it is for her.  I feel like I need to be weaned off my attachment to her, and all the sweet and luxurious amount of time I got to spend with her.

Yes, it’s Friday

After my maternity leave with Joshua, I returned to work in November 2011.  I had a lot of accumulated vacation days to use up, so I opted to work 4 days a week, and take every Friday as a vacation day.  This has worked very well for us, as I get to spend Fridays at home with everybody, and still get a full-time pay cheque.

Starting this week, however, I have agreed to work 5 days a week until my next maternity leave.  Fall is generally a busier time for us at work, and we were expecting some tax law changes to be announced.  So it made sense for me to be in the office full time.  Today was the first Friday I have worked in 10 months.

This change in schedule threw me off a little.  As I was driving to work this sunny morning, I keep thinking how much I wish to be home with Cliff and Joshua.

But the funny part is, it threw off all my co-workers even more.

I was sitting in my office at 7 am.  A co-worker walked by, did a double take, and asked me if I forgot that it’s Friday and I wasn’t supposed to be there.  Then I walked over to my boss’ office to talk to him about a file.  He looked surprised to see me, and asked me if I forgot it’s a Friday.

At 8:30 am, I walked over to a manager’s office to talk to her, and she looked stunned.  She asked, “It IS Friday, isn’t it?”  As I sat in her office to discuss a file with her, another manager walked in and asked, “I heard your voice, so I just had to come and double check that it IS Friday, right?”  Throughout the day I had at least 4 or 5 other people make similar comments.

It turned out to be a very long day.  Lots of urgent things came up, and lots of last minute things came up.  I didn’t get home till 11 hours after I started.

Now that I think about it.  Since everyone, including my boss, has forgotten that I’m supposed to work on Fridays now, why do I bother going in?

“Mommy no go”

I usually sneak out of the apartment in the morning before Joshua wakes up, so I can get to work early, and come home early to spend the evening with him.  So Joshua is accustomed to not seeing me in the mornings.

But today he was up pretty early, and Cliff was still in bed.  So I warmed up his milk and went into his room to see him.  He gladly accepted that it was me (rather than Cliff) coming into his room, and he wanted me to read some books to him. 

I said to him, “Baby, I’m sorry, I have to go to work.  How about you get daddy to read you some books?”

He hesitated for a second, looked up at me, and said, “Mommy no go.”

I said, “Sorry, baby, I have to go to work.”

He said again, “Mommy no go”.  He wrapped his little arms around my neck and didn’t say anything further.

I fought back the tears, handed him his milk, took him to our room, and put him on my side of the bed to be next to Cliff.  I gave him a kiss and left for work.

Today is one of those days I wish every circumstance in life is different.  It just tore my heart out this morning that I couldn’t stay home with him.