Not easy

This time of the year is typically a very busy time at work for me. Couple that with a bit of a change (ok, maybe a big GIANT change) at home, it feels like I’m just flying by the seat of my pants.

About this big GIANT change.

When Savanna turned 1, I dragged my ass back to work. Cliff became the full time stay home dad. For the next two years, Cliff did the grocery shopping, cooking, drop-off/pick-up at school, banking errands, while answering all of my “where’s my wallet? where are my keys? where did I park the car? where did I leave my brain?” In the meantime, I changed jobs, changed roles, and ran the photography business. He kept our lives moving along.

Then, one day, he got a call from his last employer, begging him to go back to work on a new project. He really wanted to take the job.

Anyway, Cliff is now back at work.

Yeah, I know. Let’s just let that sink in for a minute. I have received so many looks of pity, and pads on my back, like, “Now let’s see how you survive.”

I’m not griping about Cliff being back at work, or the stress of finding a part time nanny. It’s just that I’ve had it so good and easy for so long, I have lost touch with reality.

For example, one day Josh came home and his left eye was very red. I thought for sure it would be pink eye. Until we could get an appointment with an optometrist, who’s going to stay home with this dirty and infected child? (It turned out that it wasn’t pink eye. It was an allergic reaction.)

I had no idea what other parents have to go through if they both have day jobs. I mean, do you toss a coin and see who gets to cancel their work meeting and stay home?

Hats off to you two-working-parent families. This stuff is not easy!



Savanna doing art work in my office.



“Mommy no go”

I usually sneak out of the apartment in the morning before Joshua wakes up, so I can get to work early, and come home early to spend the evening with him.  So Joshua is accustomed to not seeing me in the mornings.

But today he was up pretty early, and Cliff was still in bed.  So I warmed up his milk and went into his room to see him.  He gladly accepted that it was me (rather than Cliff) coming into his room, and he wanted me to read some books to him. 

I said to him, “Baby, I’m sorry, I have to go to work.  How about you get daddy to read you some books?”

He hesitated for a second, looked up at me, and said, “Mommy no go.”

I said, “Sorry, baby, I have to go to work.”

He said again, “Mommy no go”.  He wrapped his little arms around my neck and didn’t say anything further.

I fought back the tears, handed him his milk, took him to our room, and put him on my side of the bed to be next to Cliff.  I gave him a kiss and left for work.

Today is one of those days I wish every circumstance in life is different.  It just tore my heart out this morning that I couldn’t stay home with him.

I’ve missed you

Dear sweet pea,

Today was our day at home together.  In many ways, Fridays are my favorite day of the week!  I selfishly get you all to myself.  I always look forward to this day, and it’s such a great way to get into the weekend when all four of us are home together.

Once you’re a little older, you’ll understand that winter is always a busy time for me at work.  You may not know what time I tiptoe out of the house for work in the morning, or how long I stay up to work after you go to sleep, but it feels like work was all I focused on for the last two months.

When I woke up this morning to your singing and babbling in the crib, I had a huge smile on my face.  We had breakfast together, took Sam for a walk in the rain, went to get groceries, rode the bus for the first time (for you), visited with our very dear friends, had some lunch, and by then you were so wiped and ready for a nap.

As I watched you fall asleep, my heart melted with how sweet and peaceful your face looked.  I sat beside you and just enjoyed the rare luxury of watching you sleep.  Your little chest raising and falling at a rhythm, your little hand resting on your chest, your little toes curl up involuntarily, and you almost looked like you were smiling.  I said to myself, gosh, I’ve missed you! I missed having all the time in the world to spend with you, I missed knowing everything about your day, I missed being the first to see the new things you’ve learned or a new word you’ve learned to say.

Today was exactly what I needed to feel more connected with you.  I truly treasure the time we get to spend together.  Thank you for making my life so amazing.




Why I love my job

It has been quite busy at work for the last couple of weeks.  But for some reason, I really enjoyed it.  If you know me, I’m sure you’ve heard me complain about work.  Yet here I’m saying I enjoy my work.  Well, I guess that’s the thing about my work.  I enjoy the work part.  I enjoy talking to clients, finding out what their issues are, figuring out an answer or a solution or an alternative, helping them negotiate with tax authorities, research and read interesting cases or commentaries.  I enjoy working with and meeting some of the most brilliant minds I know.  I enjoy not having a black-or-white answer to every question.  I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment when a file is wrapped up and signed off and put to sleep in the file room.    I enjoy getting a phone call from a client because they know I answer my phone.  There are many things I enjoy and I can go on and on.

The past two weeks has been very busy, but mostly because of the actually work to be done.  I felt productive.  Everyday was kind of an adrenaline rush, actually.  Tight deadlines tend to kick things into high gear, and it’s so much fun for me to see our team work like a well-oiled machine.  Not everything was perfect; we lost out on a proposal we spent a lot of time on.  But then another client who has been very hard to get work from just hinted they might want our help with something.  You win some; you lose some.

I love my work in the respect that I get to see different types of clients all the time.  I deal with retailers, mining companies, tourism companies, service providers, construction companies, private equity firms, pharmaceutical companies, etc.  The variety keeps me on my toes and keeps the work interesting.  Rarely are two situations identical, and even more rarely am I ever bored.

I can probably write a big long post about the things I don’t enjoy about my job, but I feel the need today to remember and celebrate the positives in my life.