Diary of a 16-year-old

What does a mom of 2 young kids do for entertainment on a Friday night?  She reads her old diaries and laughs her head off, and she wants to share some pages with you.

A few weeks ago I posted some pages from my old diaries, and apparently even my Dad had a good laugh.  So here we go, a few more gold entries!  These are from 1992, when we first moved to Canada.  I think other than learning English, this boy named Jeff was mostly on my mind.

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September 7, 1992

Tomorrow is the first day of school.  I’m going alone.  So exciting!  How could a rookie like me be so brave?

September 9, 1992

I’m exhausted.  Going to classes gives me a headache.  My nerves are shot.  I want to sleep as soon as I get home.  I don’t understand anything in class.  So tired.  So annoyed.  I want to go back to Taiwan.  If the Taiwanese education system is the same as Canada, that would be great.  I don’t want to learn frigging English.  So tired.

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October 8, 1992

I think I like Jeff.  He is so cute.  Sigh.  I don’t know.  He is very gentle, very cute.  Especially when he smiles.  Aunty told me to just tell him that he is very cute when he smiles.  My God.  How can I do that!  Jeff probably doesn’t even know my name.  Maybe one day when I go crazy I will tell him that.

I got 37 out of 38 in math–the highest score in the class.  Woohoo.  I am famous.  The girl sitting in front of me even looked surprised and said to me, “Oh my god!”  However, even though the questions were easy, I still worked very hard on the solution, and checked it over and over.  I paid a price for getting 37.  I’m not sure where I lost 1 mark.

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October 14, 1992

I’ve been over-thinking Jeff, I couldn’t even do my homework.  Today in PE class I had the opportunity to speak with him.  It was the perfect timing, except I had no courage.  I said nothing to him.  I wrote him a letter, but I’ll probably never have the courage to give it to him.  Sigh.  It’s so hard for me to take the first step with a boy.

Diary of a 14-year-old

When I was 13 or 14, I started keeping a diary.  For many years, I faithfully wrote in my diary everyday.  Yes, everyday.  Nobody told me to do it.  I just loved writing things down.  As you can imagine, over the years, I accumulated volumes of handwritten diaries.  This became a huge issue when we moved into a 1-bedroom condo after we sold our East Van house.  So I took on a project to scan all of my diaries from the 90’s into digital files, so I can keep them all in a small hard drive.

I was reading through some of the scanned pages today for fun.  As usual, I feel embarrassed by some of the things I wrote.  I mean, when you’re 13 or 14, the universe revolves around yourself and life is so full of d.r.a.m.a.!

I thought I’d share some of these pages so everyone can have a little laugh.  All the entries here relate to school or things that happened in school (because that’s the only life I had back then–school).

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Jun 24, 1990

On Friday I got 63% on my math test. I received 4 rattan lashes on the hands. The teacher really hurt me. My thumb still hurts now!

Jun 25, 1990

Almost time for the monthly exams!  I’m so nervous!

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Jun 29, 1990

The monthly exams are over.  Summer vacation also begins this afternoon.  I’m not sure if I’m going to rank 40-something again.  I got 86% on Chinese, 8% worse than last time.  I got 94% on English, 6% better than last time.

I went to a movie in the afternoon.  Being with those people who do better than me in school makes me feel so self conscious. 

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Oct 18, 1990

Tomorrow is the quarterly exams.  We had 3 self-study periods today.  In the first period, I focused on studying History.  In the second period, I chatted and played for 15 minutes.  In the third period, other than tidying up my desk, I got nothing done.  I can see that I am not very focused.  Improvement needed.

Oct 19, 1990

The exams today were Chinese, English, History, and Geography. On Chinese, so far I know I was wrong on two questions.  English, I’m not sure yet.  History, seems ok so far.  Geography, I am dead.  

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Nov 1, 1990

What a horrible day!

I fell off the back of a chair.  I hit my head on the corner of a desk, and then fell head first onto the ground.  After I fell, I can clearly hear people talking.  Someone said I was playing dead.  Someone said they should pull me up.  I just wanted to lay there and sleep.  I feel tired.  My head hurt.

To be honest, when you’re so close to death, you can make decisions on over 100 things within that extremely short period of time, in less than 1 second.  When you awake, you will see many things clearly, make the right decisions, and never regret anything.  

The only down side is that I have a huge bump on my head.  It hurts!