I’m in a few mommies discussion groups on Facebook. In one particular group, a mom posed a question today: If you have two kids, how do you ensure you are “fair” with both of them?
It sparked a lot of responses from various moms about how to be “fair”, how to make sure you give the same type of toy to each child, give the same amount of time and energy to each, etc. It reminded me how my parents always tried to be “fair”, which really meant my brother and I ended up with two of the same toys so we don’t fight.
Since I had Savanna, this is something I have been trying to grapple with. It started with the 3D ultrasound, before she was even born. When I was pregnant with Josh, I had 3D ultrasound done. I bought a $150 package, which came with a CD of the still images of Josh as a fetus. But when I was pregnant with Savanna, I really wanted the $200 package which came with a video. Should I pay the same price and get the same package so it’s “fair” for both kids? So when they’re all grown up and compare notes, Josh won’t feel like he was ripped off because he didn’t get a video from his 3D ultrasound?
It has taken me a while to come to this conclusion: being fair is over-rated.
So what if I bought the same ultrasound package for both kids, put the same amount of RESP away for them, buy the same brand and model of car seat for them, make sure they got the same snacks in the same amount, and spent the same amount of time with each of them? Yes, I’d be totally “fair”. But I would have also totally missed the point of having two children who are individuals with different needs and desires.
I don’t think I’ll ever be a super mom who can manage to be “fair”. It will always be in the back of my mind that I need to be fair, but I think the reality is that I’m human and I will love my kids differently. My relationship with Josh will always be different from my relationship with Savanna. I have decided that I’m ok with that.