Let me skip over the part about how much build-up of frustration I’ve had for the last few weeks about everything, and just get to the part about my Halloween costume idea.  For this Halloween, I am going to dress up as a pregnant witch.

Today is the first day of my maternity leave.  We had planned on going south of the border to do a bit of shopping to stock up on our favorite Trader Joe’s goodies, and pick up a few parcels.  Everything went as planned.  We even got to celebrate a little after reporting $800 of purchases at the border and not being asked to pay any taxes.  So you would think that is a good day, right?

We got home just around lunch time.  I had Joshua in my arms when we entered our apartment.  As soon as we came in, Joshua pointed to something on the kitchen island and said, “Joshua want that.”  I didn’t really know what he wanted.  So I pointed to the tube of finger paint and said, “Is this what you want?”  He said no.  I pointed to the snack cup and asked, “Is this what you want?”  He said no, and started to pout a bit.  I pointed to the box of tissue and asked, “Is this what you want?”  He said no, and now he’s starting to do this quivering with his lower lip like he’s about to cry.

I put him down on the floor, as I could no longer handle holding onto him to figure out what he really wanted.  Now he’s mad.  He starts to cry.  He points up at the kitchen island and said, “Joshua want that.”  Well, I’ve already gone through everything on the kitchen island. So I repeated through them again, the finger paint? No.  The snack up?  No.  The box of tissue?  No.  Well, there was nothing else there!

Now he is wailing, like I’m hurting him.  “Joshua want that!!”  Ugh.  I try to take a deep breath, and said, “Joshua, what do you want?  Please use your words.”  He responds with “Waaaaah…Joshua want that!” with his right index finger still pointing up at the kitchen island.

He has been doing this quite often in the last couple of weeks.  He’ll want something, but it seems like whatever option there is available is not good enough for him.  It’s not even that I won’t give him what he wants, but it’s more like whatever he wants does not actually exist and he just punishes me for it.  I’ve really tried to be patient, telling myself not to take it out on Joshua that I am so tired and at my wits end with everything.

But today, I lost it.  I threw my purse on the floor, and left him there standing next to Cliff and crying.  I went to the bathroom, slammed the door shut, and stayed inside.  He was still crying by the kitchen, and repeating, “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.”  Yes, I know I am so going to win the mother-of-the-year award, particularly in the gentle and loving category.

So that was the incident that inspired my costume idea.