Nothing could have prepared me for becoming a mother. No one could have explained it to me well enough in advance what it would feel like. From the moment I laid my eyes on Joshua, I became head over heels in love with him.
Over the last 20 months, he has grown from this little wrinkly baby covered in acne, to a little boy with almost a full mouth of teeth and talking up a storm. He is adventurous, non-judgemental, fun, creative, and strong willed. I love everything about him and his personality.
A few weeks ago I was reading him the book called Hooray for Fish. At the end, I puckered up my lips and asked him to give me a kiss. He puckered up his lips and came up and touched my lips with his. I love seeing his little face come close to mine, with his lips pressed together, aiming to give me a kiss. Of course, he doesn’t always oblige, so I just love it when he does give me a kiss.
He is a daring little boy. Nothing seems to scare him. He likes going down slides head first, giving me heart attacks. When we’re on the boat, he walks up and down the boat, climbs up and down the bow seats, and giggles when the boat bounces on the water. Just yesterday I caught him pushing his Pewi bike against the bar stool, and climbing on top of the bike seat trying to get on the stool! And of course he regularly hangs out on top of the ladder in the storage room, hunting for crackers and snacks on the pantry shelves.
But if his fingers got caught in the door, or if he stubbed his toes on the door frame, or if he bumped his head on the corner of the table, he becomes my little baby again, running to me with his eyes barely open, crying for mommy. I want him to know that he can always come to mommy for help when he’s hurt. Cliff thinks I’m making him soft, but I don’t believe so. I think Joshua is actually quite tough, and he really only wants my attention when he feels like it. So I happily comply, cuddling with him, fussing over his hurt little fingers or toes, making sure he gets a big hug and lots of kisses from me.
I love it when we nap together, he asks to “nuggle” with me. That’s “snuggle” but he leaves out the “s” in front and just says “nuggle”. He puts his head on my pillow next to me, and insists to put one of his little arms around my neck. Even when it’s a hot summer day and it makes both of us sweat, I enjoy that little piece of heaven immensely.
Lately, he’ll frequently point at my belly and say “baby heart”, and then run to get the fetal doppler and gel. He knows that he needs to get both things for the doppler to work. I will squirt gel on my belly and put the doppler on, searching for Savanna’s heart beat. If I ask him what his sister’s name is, he says “Vanna” (again, dropping the “S” in front).
Sometimes when Joshua is crying for a prolong period of time because he’s really hurt or really upset, often he’ll stop crying if I say, “Hey, do you want to sing a song?” He’ll enthusiastically say, “Yeah”, and listen to what I’m going to sing. Lately it’s been a lot of repeated Trot Old Joel and Lukey’s Boat. He absolutely loves Trot Old Joel. Often we can hear him playing by himself, and all of a sudden we’ll hear “Whoa, Joel!” He also refers to the song as “Truck Old Joel”.
The little keyboard I bought him quite a while ago is getting every penny’s worth of use and abuse. Joshua will often go turn on the pre-set music button, and make Cliff and I dance. If we’re sitting on the couch and just being lazy, he’ll come and push us off the couch while saying “Mommy dance; Daddy dance”. He’ll joyfully dance around on the rug with us.
Joshua loves, absolutely loves, to go outside. Sometimes I just want to take Sam out for a quick pee break, and don’t feel like getting Joshua all dressed and ready to go with me, that really upsets him. When we do go out, even if it’s early in the morning, he’s always so cheerful and happy. He bee-lines for the elevator, running and giggling and waving his arms around down the hall, sometimes making a bit too much noise, without ever questioning where we’re going. I would have to think that he gets that from me, because Cliff isn’t naturally that excited about going outside.
I can sit here and write forever about how this little man tugs on my heart string. I am so madly in love with him. Sometimes I wish he would stay little forever.