As hard as I tried for the past 11 month to stop the clock from ticking, time just flew by. I look at the little boy Joshua has become, and it’s bittersweet for me. I love how he interacts with us, crawls around, causes chaos, whines, giggles, and chases Sam. But I also miss the tiny little baby I held in my arms all hours of the day and night.
A month from now, I’ll be returning to work. The type of job I have doesn’t allow me to work just 9 to 5. In addition to the long hours I have to work, there is a lot of stress that comes with the package. I have no idea how I am going to maintain the level of output at work and still spend as much time as possible with Joshua.
I have imagined many times in my mind of not going back to work at all. But the reality is that financially it makes more sense for me to go back to work and Cliff staying home to take care of Joshua. Cliff’s work has been part time for almost a year now. Keeping Cliff’s current hours and putting Joshua in daycare just doesn’t make any sense, so we decided that Cliff will reduce his hours and stay home with Joshua 4 days a week while I work. And on my 1 day off, Cliff will go to work.
It is very hard for me to imagine not being with my baby 7 days a week. I am starting to feel the separation anxiety already. I’ve grown so attached to being with Joshua everyday. We have so much fun together. Some working moms tell me that it’s very nice to go to work and have adult conversations, and be able to drink a cup of coffee quietly without a baby tugging on your legs. But honestly, I don’t feel like I lack adult conversations, and I really don’t mind Joshua tugging on my legs when I drink my coffee.
My career is all I cared about before I had Joshua. The moment I found out I was pregnant, my world changed. I knew that Joshua had to be the priority now. It will take some time for me to figure out how to adjust my working life and family life so that neither has to suffer.
I have exactly 1 month left of the maternity leave. 1 month left to be with my son everyday. 1 month left to breastfeed. 1 month left to enjoy the stress-free days of parental bliss.