One of the hardest things to deal with, for me being a new mom, is the anxiety I experience. Dr. Lee tells us to never restrict the amount of formula Joshua takes, and the lactation consultant tells us that we should. The lactation consultant tells us not to swaddle him, but the book “Baby Whisperer” says to do so. “Baby Whisperer” says never let your child nap in a swing, but others say let them nap wherever they like. Some people think that a parent should be fully engaged with the child at all times, and some think that we should let them have their own quiet time to be on their own.
With all the conflicting information, my Type A personality, and the desire to NOT screw up Joshua’s life, I am always so anxious about every little thing when it comes to Joshua!
A part of me wants to just shut out all the advice and trust my own instincts. But then another part of me thinks that if I don’t listen to advice, I could be messing up Joshua’s life without knowing it. Either way, I’m hooped. When Joshua was born, he didn’t hand me a “How to be a Perfect Mom” manual to follow. How am I suppose to know what to do in all situations?
Joshua is 10 weeks old today. It has taken me THIS long to figure out that I’m never going to be perfect, and I just have to roll with what comes our way. Coming to this conclusion is a huge step for me, as a lot of the anxiety just washes away. It’s almost like, I’m going to mess up somewhere, so let’s just have fun while we’re at it.
So I’ve made a conscious decision to relax, and enjoy motherhood. If Josh grows up with a complex because we swaddled him, or let him nap in the swing, or let him decide the amount of formula he drinks, or used cloth diaper, or slept in a basinet for three months, then he would have to figure out a way to work through the complex (and I’m going to be there for him every step of the way).
Coming to this decision also doesn’t mean I love my son any less. It actually means I love him so much that I am willing to admit that I will never be perfect, and trust that he will still turn out to be a balanced and confident child.