Based on the lactation consultant’s recommendation, we’ve been reducing Joshua’s formula supplement by 10 ml every other day. We started with 90 ml per feeding, and now are down to 50 ml per feeding. He has been fussing more, sleeping less, and generally being more work to take care of.

So today Joshua and I went back to see the lactation consultant. She said we might have to increase his formula intake just to keep him satisfied. He still has normal weight gain since the last time we saw her. Instead of gaining weight faster than normal, he has on average gained 30 grams a day (top end of the normal 20-30 gram range).

She thinks that I may not produce enough milk because I am still bleeding from the birth, and there may be a small piece of placenta left that’s causing the problem. So now I have to go back and see the obgyn who did my c-section to figure out if there’s placenta left in the uterus.

She also suggested that I should stay in bed this weekend, for two full days, to do nothing but rest and feed Joshua. She thinks that it may help bring the milk supply up.

Sigh.

Can’t one person just tell me what’s going on with me?!

Back on the feeding plan, so now we’re going to increase Joshua’s top-up formula to 60 ml and see how things go. He should only feed 7 to 8 times a day, but the fact that he has been feeding more may be an indication that he’s not getting enough milk.

There’s so much information thrown at me all the time, and I feel anxious and overwhelmed. My biggest fear is that I would screw up Joshua’s life without realizing what I’ve done. It seems like doing the best I can just isn’t good enough. I wonder if this is how mom feels whenever we complain about something she did to us when we were little. I’m sure she did the best she knew how, and I just make her feel like that wasn’t good enough.

I feel like this breast milk production issue is preventing me from fully enjoying motherhood, and this really sucks. Let’s hope that seeing the obgyn and figuring out the bleeding issue will end up in increasing my milk production!