Exhaustion

Joshua is almost a month old now. That means a month of sleep deprivation. I have never been this tired (yet happy) before. Most days and nights are blurred together, and time seems to go by so fast! It felt like it was only last week that we brought him home. How can he be 28 days old already!

This past whole month has been the best time of my life. Every day I feel tired yet exhilarated. However, yesterday afternoon I felt so tired that I just bursted into uncontrollable tears. Maybe it was the visit with Dr. L in the morning that brought up some emotions I haven’t dealt with. Breastfeeding is still a sore point in my heart because I can’t produce enough milk for my baby. When she asked me how things are going, I started crying in her office. Once we got home, that’s all I could think about. Then when Joshua cried and I couldn’t calm him down, I just felt so exhausted that I had to hand him to Cliff and I just cried and cried.

I have often wondered why God designed parenthood to be this way. It starts with months upon months of sheer exhaustion. Maybe it’s to prepare one for the future challenges. I’m not sure. It certainly is interesting why things work this way.

Doing all the work for Joshua is the sweetest burden I’ve ever had. It would only be this short period of time in his life that I can do all these things for him. I don’t care if I am exhausted. I am so in love with him!

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