It’s hard to describe how it is at all possible to love someone so much. Since the moment I knew of the pregnancy, I loved him. Since the moment I saw the little heart flicker on the ultrasound monitor, I loved him. Since the moment I felt the first kick, I loved him. Since the moment I first saw him, I became madly in love.
Every day, I wonder how it is possible to love a little creature this much. He doesn’t do things for me, he doesn’t talk to me, he doesn’t respond to everything I do, but I can’t take my eyes off of him. When he’s asleep, I can’t stop staring at him and sometimes I burst into tears. He is such a wonder and such a gift.
When he cries non-stop, sometimes I smile because I love how full of life he is. He puts all his energy into crying and turning beet red. He doesn’t hold back, and he’s not shy. Life is simple to him, and he makes life simple for me.
Since Joshua has arrived, I have had thoughts I’ve never had before, as conflicted as they are. I want to do more with my career, so I can make more money to give him the life he deserves. I want to do less with my career so I can spend all my time with him and raise him right. I want to show him to the world and proclaim how proud I am of him. I want to hide him at home all to myself because I enjoy being with him.
It’s hard to explain how all these emotions and feelings are possible.
Josh contemplating life:
First time going for a walk in the rain, using the rain cover on the carseat/stroller combination:
Hanging out at home with Sam: