The last three weeks have been a blast and a blur. I am having so much fun being a mom, and yet all the short “naps” make days and nights seem like a blur.
When I took Joshua out for a walk the other day, I was a little surprised to see myself in a mirror, pushing a baby stroller. Oh, how has life changed! Not very long ago, I was travelling the world, riding my motorcycle, and riding my snowboard. Now I am pushing a stroller with my baby in it! If you ask me, I wouldn’t trade this for the world. Having Joshua has been the greatest gift in life.
People ask me if I am tired from the lack of sleep. Of course, I am! Joshua’s last feed is usually around midnight. Cliff would usually feed the bottle to him, so I can get a bit of sleep. Then Joshua would feed again from 2:30 to 3:30 am, then 6 to 7 am. So that means I get just under 5 hours of broken-up sleep. During the rest of the day, I’d be lucky to get an hour nap somewhere. That’s only 6 hours of sleep in total in a 24-hour cycle. This is the least amount of sleep on the worst schedule I’ve ever had.
Yet, I am exhilarated.
I love looking at Joshua after feeding him. Sometimes after he has fallen back asleep, I don’t really want to put him back in the bassinet. I would hold him and just stare at his beautiful face for a long time. Sometimes I cry tears of joy in the dark. Nobody needs to know how grateful I am that he is finally here. Sometimes I still wonder about what kind of baby I would have had if I didn’t have the miscarriage, or why I had bleedings at the 5th and 14th week of the pregnancy with Joshua, but all that wondering just makes me more grateful that he is actually in my arms now.
Physically, yes, I am tired. But I always think that there is only so little time to be this needed in Joshua’s life. Soon, he’ll want to dress himself, feed himself, tie his own shoe lace, or pick his own friends. Soon, I will become obsolete in his life. So why wouldn’t I treasure this time I have with him to do things for him?
Snug in daddy’s arms:
Our first walk with all four of us together: